Holla Portman...Hollaaaaaaaaaaa

Natalie Portman rips a mad rap yo. Watch this now...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIyC7cDJhpY&search=snl

How funny and strangely hot was that?

Those Digital Shorts rule. If you haven't been watching Saturday Night Live lately...START. It is blooming. This season has shown signs of a potential dawning of a new era for the program. Remember SNL is cyclical. It ebbs and flows with the comings and goings of cast members and writers. After the loss of Will Ferrel (among others) a few years back the show creatively suffered. However it's been particularly strong this year. They are on to something. So tune in if ya get a chance. Or just wait for someone much cooler than you to send you a link on youtube.com.

On that note, how great is youtube.com. ??? Have you seen this website? It be chock full of videos! Visit it the next time you are bored at work.

Look at me being all helpful. I live to give peeps...

Oscar Wrap Up

Here are my random musings about last night's Oscars:

-I was very happy with Jon Stewart's performance as host. I thought he did a good job. He was funny, he handled himself well and didn't seem out of place at all (which I think ultimately was one of Letterman's shortcomings. There were memorable moments from Letterman's hosting gig but he looked visibly uncomfortable in the role. Completely out of his element). The opening video segment was excellent with its star studded cameos and former hosts getting in on the fun. Great stuff. Stewart's monologue was also strong. I have to say, canning the opening song and dance number is an Oscar trend I am fully behind. Nothing says archaic like an Oscar song and dance medley. Sorry Billy Crystal it was cute back in the early 90's BUT...

Let's be honest, last night had some genuinely funny moments and alot of them were thanks to Stewart, especially his ability to think quickly on his feet. "Scorsese zero Oscars, Three Six Mafia...one." He earned his paycheque with that line alone. An instant classic. I would bring him back for another round next year. Then again, I also enjoyed Chris Rock last year...but hey, what do I know?

-How hot is Jessica Alba? Honestly, there should be a law against this.

-George Clooney is the man. Period. Coolest Cat in Hollywood bar none. Starting his acceptance speech for the Best Supporting Actor award with "...I guess I am not winning Director" was brilliant. The man I tells ya. THE MAN.

-Charlize Theron is beautiful...but, what the hell was with her dress? What was that large mass of poofness on her shoulder? Did the dress have a goiter?

-Ben Stiller doing the green screen/special effects award bit....HILLARIOUS. Now that shit was funny.

-I think they over did it with the montage sequences, no? What exactly was the point of that Film Noir homage? They weren't paying tribute to a director or writer and nor were they recognizing an actor. They just wanted to show clips of some old movies that were film noir...I guess? Ummm...thanks for....that. I believe the technical term is called "stretching for time"

-Someone needs to examine that tele-prompter and if it was working properly. Or perhaps we need to get Hollywood hooked on phonics because that was some bad prompted reading last night. Wow. A LOT of screw ups. No offense here, I know she is old but damn did Lauren Bacall struggle with that. That was painful. It was like watching a grade six spelling bee.

-I love Selma Hayek. Bueno!!!

-I think the show would have been better if Jennifer Garner had tripped. But that might just be me...

-Apparently Memoirs of a Geisha is a technically strong film. What did it win like 5 of those editing, cinematography, costume-like awards? Of course it wasn't nominated for any acting, writing, directing or best picture...but I am sure it's TECHNICALLY a good film.

-Three Six Mafia. That still cracks me up...

-Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Great Actor. Bad acceptance speech

-Crash as best picture? Hmmm....not sure about that one. Them gay cowboys were robbed dang nabbit!!!

Until next year...

Open Up!....RF!

The world of comical misunderstandings and sexual double entendres lost a legend recently. Don Knotts passed away on late Friday February 24th in Beverly Hills. To most, Knotts was probably best known as Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith Show but to me he will always be Ralph Furley, the swingin' landlord from Three's Company. Ralph Furley was an icon from the goofy sitcoms of the late 70's/early 80's era. The man just postively ruled. From his choice of flamboyant clothing, his exageratted facial expressions to his inflated but so-undeserved confidence in the pursuit of the finer sex. The man was a god amongst men. I mean, no one could snort and pull up their pants with more verve than Ralph Furley people. Just watch the man in action. Here's a little trip down memory lane for those of my generation- the debut of Furley on Three's Company:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=cEIxOyI8SFw&search=don%20knotts

Ahhh doesn't that take you back? Come and knock on our door....We'll be waiting for you....where the kisses are hers and hers and his. Now that was a sitcom!

Knotts really epitomized an age of comedy that is long since gone. He was a rock in the times of goofy and wacky comedy. A period where comedy was played OVER the top with reckless abandon. Over the top was all he and his peers knew. With his cartoonish looks, wobbly voice and magnified expressions, Knotts played it big all the time. He couldn't just be surprised, he had to have his eyes damn near pop out of his head. There were no limits to the expanse of his comedy. And we are all better for it me thinks.

Rest in peace Ralph Furley...

It's happy hour at the Regal Beagle!

M.I.A

I hate working for a living. It distracts me from doing the things I really like to do-

1) Socialize with friends
2) Drink
3) Write
4) Listen to music
5) Watch countless hours of movies and television
6) Read magazines and comic books in my underwear
7) Surf the internet for geeky goodness (aka porn)
8) Dance

Umm...scratch that last one. I think meant to say drink again.

After I put some of this work to bed I will back with a vengeance. A vengeance I tells ya!!!

After these messages....we'll be rightttttttttttttttttttttttt back.

Beer and Porn- Finally Together!

Alexander Keith's beer TV spokesperson facing child porn charges.

Clearly there are no heroes left.

...well, at least we still have ALF! You'll never find dirt on him.

I'll be ready (I'll be ready) Never you fear. (No don't you fear)

Work has FINALLY begun on Baywatch the movie. Oh yes, the wait is finally over fans. Baywatch creator/star, German celebrity and all around jackass David Hasselholff had this to say about the upcoming film:

"It will be set in different locations around the world. There will be lifeguards who are also sent on crime-busting sprees."

This may very well be the greatest movie ever...

Grammy Thoughts

10 random thoughts about the Grammys-

10) How bad did Coldplay massacre that song last night? EEP! That was the ugly
9) Does anyone else think that Fergie is SUCH a but-her face? Or is that just me?
8) Sly Stone scared me.
7) Okay, Madonna looks great for her age. No question. But please stop wearing the leotard. Please! It burns.
6) Who is on the Grammy voting committee? How in the hell are Bonnie Rait and Sheryl Crow STILL up for major awards? Someone please explain this to me? I'm the boss, need the info.
5) Say what you will about Paul McCartney and how he is beyond bordering on self parody but that was effin' cool when he belted out Helter Skelter. Give 'er Paul!
4) Kayne West can shut up about righhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht NOW.
3) For the love of all things holy, Tom Hanks cut your hair!!!
2) Isn't it a sad state of affairs when the (apparently) most preminent awards show about music is dominated by Kelly Clarkson. Bring on the four horseman of the apocalypse.
1) Last night was proof positive that the Grammys are completely irrelevant.

Keep on Goth'in

So there I was on the subway today treking home from a long days work when I spotted some interesting characters that I felt inclined to analyze. Subways I find make for ideal people watching opportunities (or peeping as we say in the club) seeing as how they are commonly frequented by the dregs of the city. You get all types on the underground transit but without a doubt it's a guarantee you will be exposed to youth culture. (See how I avoided aging myself by saying youth culture as opposed to "kids", "young people" or "crazy punks". It's a gift of mine) Youth of today in most cases just mildly annoy me but hardly even register a blip on my radar. However it is often difficult to avoid monitoring their fashion trends. Like for example today, when I spotted three young peeps on the subway who were totally embracing the goth lifestyle.

Now for those not in the know, Goth is typically distinguished by those who wear a lot of jet black (especially their hair), their clothing has a medievel flair to it, they have pale skin (often enhanced by make up) and their demeanour is mournful, dismal and somewhat gloomy. It's all about the bleak with the goths.

Clearly I understand that everyone has their own fashion sense. And young adults are the most likely to embrace trends. But I've never really understood the whole Goth fashion??? To me it seems rather shortsighted no? You must know going into it that you are only going to dress like this for a short window of time. You have to? I mean who has ever seen a 40 year old goth? Let alone a senior citizen couple who are still bleakin' it up. Seems like a rather limited fashion proposition to me.

You know preppies remain relatively preppy throughout their life, jocks still dress like jocks even into their fifties and cowboy/western jackasses will epitomize their hick fashion sense until they die. Even a punk lifestyle can be maintained somewhat into your adulthood. It's not uncommon to find older people who still mirror their youth fashion sense with either short hair, long hair, facial hair, piercings, wearing combat boots etc. But this whole Goth with its medievel meets vampire, I haven't been exposed to the sun and I drink from a chalice-like fashion sense is so obviously short term that it doesn't even seem worth the effort. It's the incomplete sentence of fashion statements.

Oh but wait, maybe it's a state of mind? No, cause you know what? You can have a dim view of things and no hope but still wear some colour!